From Numb to Alive: The Hard Truth About Opening Your Heart
Have you ever felt numb, like you’re just going through the motions? I used to live that way too. But through a painful awakening, I learned how to reconnect with myself—and I want to help you do the same.
The Wake-Up Call
After my mother passed, I had a psychic reading. I wasn’t looking for healing—I just wanted career advice. For over eight years, I had worked as a Senior Web Developer Consultant. The job paid well, but I was miserable, suffering from panic attacks and self-destructive behaviors.
Losing my mom made me see how short life is. During the reading, the psychic, Ella, told me something that shook me:
“Your heart is pulling you in a new direction.”
What It Means to Open My Heart
At the time, I thought this meant finding a new career. I didn’t realize it was about learning to feel again.
As a child, I was incredibly sensitive. But as I grew older, I shut myself off—walking through life numb. Ella explained that years of logical thinking had disconnected me from my emotions. She also said something I’ll never forget:
“We have to reshape your belief that creative work doesn’t make money, or that who you truly are doesn’t generate enough value.”
I had spent years rejecting parts of myself to fit in. My heart never wanted web development. It never wanted a business degree. What I had always wanted was to create. But every time I tried, I judged myself. If my work wasn’t perfect, I felt like a failure.
I had bought into the belief that being an artist meant struggling, so I chose the “safe” path. But in doing so, I completely shut off my heart.
The Hard Truth About Following Your Heart
Following your heart isn’t just about career choices—it’s about how you live your life.
For years, I chased monetary success, thinking it would bring happiness. Instead, I ended up disconnected, uninspired, and lost.
Ella warned me that opening my heart would bring up long-buried emotions. She suggested guided meditations focused on heart healing. I was desperate for change, so I started listening—without even fully understanding what a chakra was.
Something resonated. I began drawing spirals, unaware that I was channeling what would later become my Soul Drawings.
The Role of Reiki in My Healing
This is why I love how Spirit works. I was led to Reiki, which became the catalyst for truly opening my heart. I won’t try to convince you to become a Reiki practitioner, but for me, it was life-changing.
When my chakras opened, something shifted. It was like I reconnected with my soul, my heart, and God.
But it wasn’t easy. Opening my heart meant confronting:
Rejection
Emotional abandonment
Loneliness
Shame about my identity
Even after being with my husband, Patrick, for over 20 years, I still carried deep shame. I had hidden parts of myself—even from me.
This journey was brutal. But it was worth it.
Living With an Open Heart
Publishing my book forced me to navigate even more emotional pain. Today, I work a job that doesn’t pay much, but it’s healing for my heart—working with preschoolers through fifth graders.
These kids have taught me how to be a kid again. How to stop taking life so seriously. How to be gentle with myself. How to live with my heart wide open.
What I’ve Learned About Healing
Healing isn’t linear—it’s a spiral.
Following your heart is messy, but necessary.
True forgiveness isn’t about excusing the past; it’s about letting go so it no longer controls you.
Sometimes, loving from afar is the only option.
For so long, I thought forgiveness meant pretending everything was okay. But I’ve learned that to have a pure heart, I don’t have to ignore my pain.
The More I Follow My Heart, The More I Remember Who I Am
I never expected a simple career question to lead me into such deep healing. But the more I clear my wounds, the clearer my purpose becomes.
And the more I open my heart, the more I remember who I truly am.
Now, I’d Love to Hear from You:
Have you ever felt like your heart was closed off? What has helped you open it again? Drop a comment below or reach out—I’d love to hear your story.
If you’re looking for a way to reconnect with yourself, my Soul Drawings were one of the first ways I began channeling my heart’s energy. You can learn more about them [here](insert link).
